i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
