Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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