so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
