He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
do nipples grow back?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
