May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
