I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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