I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
