The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
