Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My ATM looks so different sober.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize