I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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