i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
