y did u give ur computer a hand job?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
