i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
