yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
