She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
