He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
