I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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