So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
