You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
