you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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