I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
