Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
