Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize