have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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