just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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