That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize