What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
