Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
