my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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