omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
