he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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