It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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