Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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