Non-Jews are for practice
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize