Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
