I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
