i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
