JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Operation Purity has been aborted
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
