My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize