get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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