She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
not ubering you a puppy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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