Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
