Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
