I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
