guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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