you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize