Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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