I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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