K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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