I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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