I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
