My first STD was from a foam party
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
