Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
