soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
