I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
