i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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