No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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