I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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