i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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