It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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