with your own penis?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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