Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize