He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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