Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
