Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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