Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
