Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
