my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
