Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
