***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
