What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
