went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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