Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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