I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
