There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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