sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
