In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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