He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I enjoy the company of your penis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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