I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
