So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
