i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
