I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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