I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
