you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
