Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
