the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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