I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize