I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
