you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
