i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
