The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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