I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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