I hope mine doesn't look like that
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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