it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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