Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
