I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
