A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
