i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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