So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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