drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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