ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
