I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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