Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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