Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize