I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
